Yesterday in a weekly work status meeting, I went to present something from this month's Esquire magazine and was met by "I think you're the only person left who reads Esquire!" Touche, I do read Esquire, and I love it. I love the graphics, I love the articles, I love the funny jokes by a hot woman. Maybe it's my increasing void of testosterone, or maybe it's the hilarity of Dr. Oz's face knitted onto a Christmas sweater. Whatever the case, reading this magazine during my commute is a close second to not-finishing the New York Mag crossword puzzle.
This morning I came across this sidebar of How to Stuff a Woman's Stocking (this is not a metaphor) by Ryan D'Agostino. In the Matheny household our stockings consist of the necessities: deodorant, toothbrush, santa chocolate, socks, mixed in with a few big ticket items like makeup, jewelry or music. What I'm saying is that if I were ever on the receiving end of this stocking jackpot, it would be a very happy holiday. I give it to you:
The first step in filling a Christmas stocking is:
Remember to do it. Women tend to love us for performing gestures that are thoughtful, time-consuming, and surprising. This one is (potentially) all of the above.
A small piece that represents a greater whole. If you bought her a new flat-screen (ed note: !), put the remote in her stocking. A new bike (ed note: !!)? The key to the lock.
Nothing delivers more excitement while taking up less space. Plane tickets are thoughtful. But so are movie tickets for December 26.
The old "box-with-a-map-to-the-closet-where-the-big-expensive-gift-is-hidden" trick. (ed note: a grandma Matheny favorite)
An option your dad never had—camcorders didn't fit in stockings. Digital cameras and iPod nanos do.
Small. Smells good. No-brainer. A good heavy anchor to place in the toe.
A candy cane and some clementines poking out will make it look like a stocking in the movies.
Candy. (Obvious and affordable. Go right now to bespokechocolates.com and order the pretzel-covered caramels.) Matchbooks from restaurants you two ate at this past year. (ed note: swoon) A few pair of the running socks she likes. (ed note: double swoon) The earbuds she's always losing.
A meat thermometer, because she overcooks the steak? A nutcracker and some walnuts? You know her better than we do.